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某朝末年，倭亂四起，宦官專權，東廠曹公公勾結倭寇，殘害中原武林，意欲謀反。長海對外身份是鵲刀門掌門，實則是秘密抗倭組織成員，除了剿滅倭寇，另一項重要任務就是查出勾結倭寇的朝中漢奸。而同時曹公公也發現有反對自己的武林人士存在，暗中派人監視武林各門派的一舉一動。因要掩人耳目，並同時進行秘密任務，西門長海（趙本山 飾）找到遠在家鄉的孿生兄弟西門長在（趙本山 飾），讓他冒充自己。 雖是孿生兄弟，西門長海和西門長在兄弟倆的個性和人生道路完全不同，弟弟是英雄虎膽的一代大俠，哥哥則是膽小懦弱的市井夥夫。麵對弟弟的請求，膽小怕事的西門長在一萬個不答應，奈何頂住了弟弟長海的威逼利誘，卻頂不住弟弟許諾給他找個“老伴”的色誘，於是半推半就的同意冒名頂替。就這樣，西門長在稀裏糊塗的從一個掌勺搖身一變成為掌門，進入了光怪陸離的武俠世界。 西門長在來到人生地不熟的鵲刀門，想要冒充弟弟，首先遇到的第一關，就是要騙過弟弟長海身邊的幾位親人：呆傻木訥的大徒弟郝盟（程野 飾）和性如烈火的葉四娘（葛珊珊 飾），魯莽衝動的二徒弟趙德柱（宋曉峰 飾），當然最難的是弟弟的女兒西門柔（曆曉賀 飾）。西門長在本來想低調蒙混過關，不料樹欲靜卻風不止，各自風波接踵而來，天池幫幫主高大毛（宋小寶 飾），五毒教教主等人紛紛找上門來，最危險的是，西門長在引起了東廠曹公公（楊樹林 飾）的注意和懷疑！
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